Things I'll Never Say
by KellyCRocker59
Summary: She had always known, even before he had told her. Kara's perspective on Sean and Holden's relationship.


Things I'll Never Say

By: KellyCRocker59

I was going to do their first time next, but this hit me and just wouldn't go away. I'm not sure how well it turned out, but I've always wanted to do an onlooker's perspective on these two. Enjoy and please review :)

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Now that she thought about it, Kara supposed she had always known, even before Sean had privately told her. As he stood there in front of all the press, telling them something so personal, something that they had no right to know without his consent, she was shocked that he would ever come out. She knew that Sean loved Holden. She had just underestimated the extent.

She shouldn't have. From the day Sean introduced them, explaining that Holden was just a good friend, she had been able to tell that something was different about this man from Sean's other friends that she had met. The way Sean never distanced himself too far from him, the way his eyes fixated upon Holden when he spoke or told a story, it was all just a bit off. Holden started coming to nearly every lunch meeting that Kara scheduled with Sean; the explanation was that Holden was just a really supportive friend, and they had plans after the meeting. She didn't buy it, never really bought into it.

Kara watched their relationship take shape right before her eyes. Months went by, and she would catch Sean's hand moving away from Holden's leg or arm as they walked somewhere. When she would stop by Sean's house to drop off paperwork that needed signing for advertisers, Holden would be there. He would be dressed, but there was something just slightly off about the tilt of his tie and the buttons on his shirt.

Sean had told Kara at the point when he said that they had decided to move in together. Kara of course was worried about the paparazzi, but Sean said that they had kept it up this long, being seen in public and Holden's vehicle in Sean's driveway, that it would make no difference. And then he added that it was something for Kara to worry about, not him. That's what publicists were for, right?

Once he had told Kara, she began to notice that their relationship was by no means a fling. She had never really noticed Sean with women, but she had never questioned it. It was his business, after all, and she was just his publicist. So when the three of them were together for the first time since Sean had told her, she had no idea what to expect.

It was almost mesmerizing. They were drawn to each other, as though caught in one another's atmosphere. When they were walking in a crowded space, Sean's hand was at the small of Holden's back, guiding him. Protecting him. They're hands would graze when they were eating beside one another, the touch lasting just a bit too long, and if one wasn't looking for it, they wouldn't notice. If Holden tripped, which occasionally happened, Sean would catch him, either looping an arm around his waist or grabbing his arms, never too far away. Whenever the three of them would ride somewhere together, Holden would always lean in Sean's direction, whether or not he meant to. If Sean got frustrated about a loss, Holden would be there when Kara arrived to talk to him about publicity, a simple presence in public and a reassuring boyfriend in private.

Now, when she dropped off paperwork, Sean would open the door in only his sweats, sometimes only his boxers. Sometimes she would glance inside the house and Holden would be there, standing or walking by, his white button-up shirt open and showing his bare chest, boxers clothing his bottom half. Sometimes he was only in his boxers, and that's when she became a bit uncomfortable, knowing exactly what had just or was about to occur once she left.

But she was happy for Sean. Every time they would have a meeting, Sean couldn't stop smiling, and if the crowd was sparse enough, his hand would rest comfortably on Holden's thigh. Holden wasn't shy, but when it came to Sean's affection he was always embarrassed when a remark about him would be made. Of course, this only made Sean laugh, a sound Kara had rarely heard before Holden came into his life. He was playing better, and that meant that the paparazzi wouldn't be so relentless, making her job easier. On a personal level, she liked Sean, and thought of him as a friend. If Holden made him happy, then she was happy for them. But then, something happened. Sean never told her exactly what it was, but she could guess pretty easily.

One day, they had a lunch meeting, and Holden didn't come with Sean. Sean wore a stone expression, no joy present. Kara didn't ask, getting right to business. But his mind wasn't in it. He didn't talk about it, but his behavior betrayed that Holden had left him. He wouldn't be walking around like he was dead if the roles had been reversed.

His playing began to slip as well. The paparazzi attacked him, tearing the poor man apart. Kara tried as hard as she could to keep his name clean, but every tabloid and entertainment news television show was dragging Sean through the mud. Retirement was the only option, they said. She felt terrible for Sean, for what he had lost and for the ordeal that his critics were putting him through.

And that had led them here. With those two words, the confession as to who he was, the pieces fit together in her mind. Holden hadn't left Sean because he didn't love him. He left him because he didn't think Sean loved him back. And he had given him a choice. Either Sean could have Holden in public, or Sean could remain alone to do as he pleased privately.

Kara hurried to acknowledge a newscaster, and as Sean answered Kelvin's question about continuing to play football, she looked up at Sean and felt a joy filling her. She hated this day, hated everything that it tried to shove down a person's throat. But looking at Sean and knowing what he had done to be with the person he loved made her believe that maybe everything would be okay. Maybe she wouldn't be alone for the rest of her life. Maybe a great guy would come along and she could actually fall in love. But she would always hate Valentine's Day, and these were all things that she would never say.


End file.
